What are you going to do different this time?
I reached the point of desperation brokenness when the drugs (of which alcohol was just one) stopped working. Sure, I still got loaded, but I still felt like me. I couldn't escape any longer, not enough.
I did not want to go to meetings (NA in my case, but the steps are the steps). But I was desperate, so I went every day. Sometimes twice a day.
I didn't want to stop using, but I did, and renewed my commitment every day. I called someone before I used. I stayed clean one day at a time.
I did not want to get a sponsor and work the steps, but once again I was desperate, and I started to meet some guys in the fellowship who clearly had what I wanted, they were comfortable in their own skin. However, they had been where I was. They let me know that NA (and AA) were 12 step programs, not going to meeting programs.
I have found that NA (and AA) work only if you actually do the work. Any other recovery programs will have the same caveat. None of them are magical.
We all understand how you feel. We've all been there. No one goes to SR or AA or NA because they feel great and their life is wonderful.
The real question is not how you feel, but what are you willing to do to recover?