I remember the first time my husband didn't come home all night, we were only married for two weeks. It was so painful, I was in agony, I couldn't sleep and when I did finally sleep a little I had vivid nightmares about him. Finally at 3am he decided to come home. By then I was so angry. Eventually he confessed to using meth (I didn't yet know he had past drug problems). He promised it would never happen again and I forgave him.
Well it did happen again....7 times in two months of marriage. That's not counting all the other times he came home at 11pm 12am 2am etc.
After two months of marriage I kicked him out and he basically lived on the streets up until he recently was arrested and spent almost 50 days in jail. During that time he called me, wrote me letters and persuaded and promised his way back into my life. He sounded like the man I first fell in love with and we were going to live "happily ever after"
It took seven days of being back together as a married couple living under the same roof for him to hug and kiss me goodbye one day as he was heading out for a job interview and never come back home.. Of course days later he wants to come home but I'm finally learning my lesson. I don't want a partner who is MIA. I want a partner who WANTS to come home to me. I deserve that. You deserve that.
I know what it feels like to love somebody with every inch of your soul and to want so badly for them to stop hurting you so you can be together happy and healthy forever. It hurts so badly to not get that in return. I'm dealing with that pain now.
I keep thinking of a quote I like that says "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the FIRST time"
I wish I would of listened to that sooner. It would of saved me a lot of heartache
I hope the absolute best for you. YOU deserve it!