Originally Posted by
Dreamcatcher44 
Glitterdiva...i feel u on that seriously. Here you are stuck paying HIS car bill feeling taken advantage of and resentful and a couple glasses of red wine later...the anger festers and you want to take it out on him! (And rightfully so might I add.) But afterwards we come up empty handed...bc there's no satisfaction to be had!
I'm starting to realize that no contact is really for us and our own sanity. Because their chaotic lives they live with their DOC gives them an "outlet" to be complete selfish and egocentric manipulators. Do we really think our addicts stay up late thinking of all the hell that befell on us due to their f ups?! Nope! Like u said we need to just stop. Stop and stop. 45 days for urs and 7 for mine...but how about us? Ive never used drugs so lets see Im 30 ×365 = 10,950 Days clean?! Wheres my AA chip for that?! LMAO. Point is.. what do u want a cookie for not injecting crack and heroin today? Him sending u his badge from his job?! Do we get a pat on the back for working consistently for years? Its just so childish. I feel like addicts are like blown up children. We pay for them. They want rewards for doing the right thing?!! "Look mommy no hands!" Grrrr its so angering! So i understand exactly what u mean.
As u said uve been down this road. Only years of sobriety will prove anything to us and by then we realize that they are not what we want. Our emotions cloud us. Addiction creates selfish partners. Sobriety only encourages selfish behavior to focus solely on them etc. Anyway...u are in my thoughts today. We can do this!! We are the ones who are strong. We are the ones who know in our hearts that we deserve a hell of a lot better then this! So as u said...lets reboot the computer system. Detox our addicts from our psyche and thank god that it was only a slip up. Aint no thang but a chicken wing!! Hahaha. HUGS. XOXO.
Exactly! Mommy, no hands
Yep. I am feeling better today, with several days NC, hopefully you feel better too. What is also helping me in these past couple of days is reading varies articles about how to get over someone who has cheated. Mine did, but I mean their DOC is their affair in a way, you know? They chose it over their partner. And, it is helping, to sort of calm down and realize that this healing process is normal. It is ok to feel anger and depression and have an urge to reach out and say something, it is ok to get one's hopes up and it is ok to feel this in waves. I was walking the dogs yesterday, cursing up a storm, like a crazy person, I had my phone with me and then a friend of mine posted this passage from AA literature on FB about acceptance, which said: "And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes". Wow, I thought, this is exactly what is going on with me. I am going through these stages of grief, depression and anger, but what I really need to do is to accept this situation. Heroin addict is a heroin addict. They lie, steal, cheat, use, betray and do it all on repeat all day long until they find recovery.
I am working on my acceptance, NC is something for me, to keep ME safe and sane
I hope you feel better too