Your post actually does sound like the words of the typical early/mid stage alcoholic. I have known several distance runners/triathletes that were addicts. These are extreme sports and sometimes come with extreme personalities. Not uncommon. I'm pretty fit, eat healthy, appear functional but I'm a late stage alcoholic. I cannot judge my insides by the looks of my outsides. I'm an expert at appearances.
If you read your post you don't seem to be in denial. But are you ready to quit and take alcohol off the table. That's the real question I believe.
Good luck. Glad you're here.