Aw Deli I'm sorry you're feeling so terrible. I relate. I don't know how much consecutive sober time you have had, but for some of us it can take 6 months to start to normalize. Alcoholism really does cause brain damage, period. Thank goodness for neuro plasticity....the brain can and does heal. And a good psych knows this. Diagnosing most alcoholics is pretty hard in the first 3-6 months because our condition can cause all the symptoms of a lot of mental illnesses. And even when addicts are given meds, we often drink with them which renders them ineffective. Sooo what to do? Quitting is the only way...and you know that.
I think many here, including myself, have been right where you are. I used to hate the 'fake it until you make it' concept. It made me angry because I just thought that by quitting I 'should' get the results I need, and fast. But happiness is a choice.
Please get help. Suicide is not a way out, you know this. And killing oneself is actually very hard....I know this from experience. And you have a child who loves and needs you.
You do have choices. You just have to be willing to see them.