Back to black (addicted ex boyfriend)
Dear everyone
Now it has happened, that situation almost all of you predicted before. This morning his number showed up at my phone display. One part of me said: ignore it, you KNOW this will cause you hurt and trouble. Another part of me said: please, please answer his call. Just think of his kisses, warmth and amazing embrace. Maybe he has now hit rock bottom, and will change.
Guess which voice that were strongest? Unfortunately the irrational one. I answered and heard him pleading on the other side, begging me to give him another chance. This time everything would be better, he would save all his money so that we could travel the world and enjoy life together.
Well, I don't buy that ********. When I asked him if he wanted to go to rehab now, he said no. He had already quitted his drug use on his own. That is of course just ********. You cannot overcome a 15 years poly drug use on your own.
So I told him the truth, that we will never ever be together again. Then he asked if we just could become friends, and that he needed me so badly. I accepted this offer, and went to his apartment "as a friend". His apartment was wierd. He had taken bank loans for a SICK sum of money and bought a crazy amount of expensive guitars. His goal was to create a band. I am still shocked, how can he so intensively engage in new interest areas so quickly?!
Well, the time in his apartment was just anxiety, anxiety and anxiety. We lay in his sofa and was almost kissing for four hours. It felt like we were newly in love again. I can't describe my attraction and passion for him. Despite that he has treated me so bad, I love him more than anything...
During my stay he was constantly begging me to be his girlfriend again and to move in. But I stayed strong and said no, and after four hours I left. We promised each other to be close friends that would help each other. I know though that this actually mean that I will help HIM, it is not a mutual interest...
Please tell me what to do. Is it right to keep having contact with him as a friend? I could not see any signs of drugs in his apartment. And we had sex, which is a good sign, because he has zero sex drive while on drugs. At the other hand, I know he use to order Viagra from an internet site. Additionally, his skin was HOT as hell. Couldnt that be a sign of heroin use?
In the meantime I regret that I visited him, because now are all scars from our love wide open again.... I really want to find the strength to stay no contact again