Thank u to everyone for taking the time to respond. I used my fb account. I didnt deactivate it and he had been sending me messages this whole time. Initially i felt strong not responding but the other night is another story. So thats where my stash is Atalose. Hahaha. I cracked up reading ur response bc up until now i really didnt think i was "addicted" to him. Side note: he offered to give me money out of every paycheck to make up for all the money he has taken. But yes i agree one step forward two steps back. Hopeful4. U are right. Im addicted to him and like any addict i found any excuse to take my DOC (him). Where it leaves me today is feeling very disappointed in myself. I felt so strong and one trigger and i caved. Where is my resolve to stand by myself ? To be my own best friend? I didnt want to hide what i did...i had to confess bc i dont want to live this way anymore. I knew i messed up but to hide it will only have me suffering the consequences of my codependant behavior. And i came on here to get better. Im not the kind of girl who needs to be in a relationship in order to be happy. I love being on my own and navigating all of this has been an eye opener on just how far off my game this relationship has taken me.