I never had to take a drink. I always drank because I wanted to. I always drank the amount I wanted, usually i want to drink quite a bit. Always a "rational" decision on my part. After years it slowly dawned on me I'd want to quit or cut back but after a day or two would "decide" to drink the way I wanted to. Yep, addiction is a tricky business. Craving feels like just a simple desire. AV is just a quick thought like any other.