Originally Posted by
fgh55 
Thank you for this. I know I have played a role in my own misery. I would like to understand what is happening with me and why I am constantly lowering the bar so to speak. Love shouldn't feel this way. I don't know when I stopped being able to say no. I don't know when I started putting others needs before my own. That's part of why I feel lost. I do need to understand. I will look into some books, or some help. I need to do some serious work on myself.
You've done a great first step in coming here.
I used to think why me? What happened? Why can't I just have a 'normal' relationship? Why am I so unlucky with love? Why am I 'that' girl that ended up with an alcoholic, drug abuser who was causing me such anxiety? I stayed in a dysfunctional relationship for way longer than I ever thought I would. When I finally hit my rock bottom with him and found the courage to leave, it was freedom and a breath of fresh air. Back then though I didn't know anything about alcoholism, codependency, dysfunctional relationships etc. So it's no wonder I ended up falling in love with another alcoholic! (My now husband.) The saying is really true, you really are as sick as the person you are with. Looking back, I dated guys who were not my "type" and therefore led nowhere. Looking back though, those were the guys that were the best chance for a 'normal' relationship but I would have sabotaged that anyhow because a confident, independent, happy man would not put up with a dependent, needy, clingy, controlling codependent like me. It took a lot of soul searching and still working on it.