Originally Posted by Expanding

That's the book!

I probably AM overthinking it, as I usually do... and you guys are so right… reading people’s minds seems to be my favorite thing to do.

I couldn’t and WOULDN’T be where I am today if he hadn’t left.
I am going back and forth between all the stages and it’s so frustrating! I was feeling anger yesterday and I wake up depressed most mornings, but I am now able to pull myself back within an hour or two. I have accepted he has a drinking problem and that what I thought we had was nothing but a dream, but the dreamer in me is still going, “if only…” and starts to fantasize.

I think the denial will fully go away once I don’t have to live in that house anymore… I don’t think I could handle not having ANY denial while still there... I would go crazy!! Sometimes, when it sinks in who he really is I become terrified and feel like a sitting duck in that house. He has narcissistic tendencies and if there’s a chance he has full blown NPD I have no idea what he would be capable of doing and it frightens me.

He’s very big on respect (even though he gives none!) and one of the last times I saw him made a big show to let me know that he wouldn’t hesitate to put a bullet in anyone that crossed him or anyone he happened to be with at the moment (he carries). I have a feeling it was just for show, a part of his armor to protect his true self, but, isn’t not believing how stuff happens?