Expanding, it is so hard to keep yourself from wondering what was/is going through his head. I struggle with this still. However, what difference would it make to your situation to know what his method of thinking is? You would still be left in the same situation. Perhaps you think it would make you feel better to know why he did what he did, but then you find yourself in the position of relying on someone else to make you feel good/bad about yourself, which is what we need to avoid. I know it's painful, but sounds like things are much better for you without him in the picture and it will get easier. Hugs.