^ I'm sorry-not hijacking the thread but this sounds so much like my exs family it's ridiculous....triangulation, secrets, lies, asking others to do bad things....I found myself laughing out loud-not because it's funny in any way-it's just so incredibly messed up that you can't unsee it once you've seen it. They just don't know any other way but dysfunction. Period. Funny story-I talked with my ex mother in law numerous times during our marriage re her sons (my husband) drinking. One of the last times was after his dad died and he was coughing up blood and swigging from bottles of vodka each day, on top of his daily 12 plus beers-and abusing the hell out if me , his pregnant wife, and his daughter. Lovely mother in law tells me we should just move in with her bc SHE can make sure he doesbt drink (insert head banging agaibst wall and cue the wtf? It's my fault?!)...not less than seven months later she comes to our house for July 4th and as I casually say sonething to my husband about drinking (yeah, I know-not my place), she tells me it would be un American to celebrate without a beer. Woohoo!! Go mom, go!! She also bought my then husband a six pack of beer to celevrate with him the day he got out of ICU. My ex sister in law encouraged my ex to get tanked with her and not follow court orders, even when he was facing losing his kids-which he has. Stellar, eh?! I could go on and on but my point is this....YOU changing and getting healthy shines a bright light on all their toxic lies and dysfunction. They don't like that. YOU have the choice to see it for what it is and maintain distance or cut off relationships completely. Your sobriety has to come first-which congrats , btw, again. A huge part of sobriety is just growing the F up and acting like an adult-and it's hard when you see things crystal clear-you have to start making adult healthy decisions-and boy is that tough. I've been there, friend.
Hugs, and please keep posting. We understand!