Raven,
I don't want to push you one way or the other. I would prefer you spend your time hear reading the stories here, and to make up your own mind.
I would even suggest to re read all the things that you posted. Is this what you want? This time now is the better years, it gets worse.
I am an RA (recovering alcoholic).
I drank to deal with my problems, I didn't know any other way.
I was in an abusive relationship, I had to find a different way. I am now developing new coping skills rather then frying my brain by drinking.
You know, we can talk all night about alcoholics, and we can look at this forum for so many people that are trying, and I am all for them.
Do you know the percentage of people that go into recovery?
Do you know the percentage of people who are abusive that might actually recover from that?
I stayed, I tried for over 25 years. I locked myself in the car, in the garage, so many times that I lost count. It was my new bedroom. Was my ex that physically abusive? The answer is no. It was the verbal and emotional abuse.
I was diagnosed with c-PTSD, situational depression, anxiety and panic attacks. It seems to me that you are already feeling this.
I just want to say again, do not isolate yourself, please keep posting here, and perhaps, see a DV therapist.
((((hugs)))))
amy
PS: Don't ever feel alone again. Here for you.