Aiko: Despite your condition you still have enough sense to realize what is going on. You say you don't "just have addiction" and that you also have depression. You say, "I suffered such a depression, my head would not shut up...
and I started to loose it and visualize things............................................
very heavy stuff...
been in the verge to loosing it!!!!
I need to be medicated or I hurt myself... physically!!!
The head starts telling you to hurt yourself you can not cope non-stop!!!
I take morning medication as well."
People who know more about these things than I do have written on the internet that it is not uncommon for addicted persons also to have a dual diagnosis. Some addicted persons are also bi-polar, some clinically depressed, some obsessed with a compulsion to hurt themselves. Here in the U.S. you would almost certainly have careful and sophisticated medical care. You would be in a rehab for a period of a few weeks and then move to a halfway house with aftercare and group therapy. And you would have a good chance of getting well, being happy and ending your slavery to substances and the other ailments which plague you. Can't you give medicine a chance at this? You may have noticed that another person ("Mera") made the decision to enter a rehab in Italy (a decision which was not an easy one for her) and it ended up with her receiving very caring and supportive treatment and she was so very glad she went there. She is back home now. She has had some problems with pneumonia but she appears to be well on the road to recovery.
Aiko. Please give medicine a chance. Give yourself a chance! Get real freedom. You are not free now. You are dependent on pills and suffering from other things: depression, what you describe as "very heavy stuff- on the verge of losing it."
Give yourself a chance. Give medicine a chance and get real freedom, not the "freedom" which comes from taking one pill after another.
Bill