Confrontation
Hi all. I'm new here and just read the tea addict thread. If I don't get anything else out of this I've gotten a good laugh. I recently (last October) got involved with a very old flame from about 30 yrs ago. I loved him then and we dated on and off for about 8 yrs. I moved away, married 18 yrs, divorced, etc. then went back home last fall and he contacted me and we met one night and started a long distance romance. I'm in love with him again and now realize he's an alcoholic. I saw it coming for awhile but wasn't sure how bad it was until I was involved. I've already told him I can't become more involved unless he quits drinking. He is currently in prison (wasn't when I first got re-involved) for driving on revoked license. He was in 5 yrs ago for dwi. His current sentence is 2 yrs but he will probably only serve 5 months or so. He's already served 4 months and we've been corresponding and talking on the phone. I tell him that I love him and miss him. I tell him little things about my day. FYI, I don't drink. I don't not drink either. I have the occasional social drink. Maybe a glass or two of wine every two weeks or so. He has said he may quit. That was before he went in. I've never asked him to, only told him I won't become serious with him unless he does. I told him this once. I also asked him once if he thinks about quitting while he's in there and he aid no, he's just trying to cope with being there. I reminded him very briefly of my stand and he said "I know. I remember, hon." The other day I got a very short letter from him hinting at marriage with no mention of quitting drinking. It was not in the form of a question so when he called the next day I told him I thought the letter was very sweet but did not restate that I couldn't marry him if he didn't quit. I have a flight scheduled for shortly after he should be released. Now I feel not quite above board for not saying something about this. I posted this question on another board but didn't get any opinions, just some AA quotes. They don't give advice. I want to know if you all think it would be better to tell him now, while he's in prison, that I won't marry him unless he quits or if I should wait til he gets out and tell him face to face. Even if he did quit, I think I'd need to see if he could stick to it before I took a step like marriage. You see, I've really already told him how I feel and maybe I shouldn't repeat myself. I could turn it around and ask him if that means he's decided to quit, bringing it up after what I'd already told him. Or I could leave it alone entirely. In any case, I don't intend to drink with him or even go to a bar with him when I see him and I haven't told him that directly either. Any input welcome. Any questions, feel free. Thanks.