ggnewme

I'll try to keep this short. My ex-ABF is still an active A and lying to me about his drinking; I know this. I attended al-anon, learned detachment and we broke up because his standards for life were not my own. Never-the-less, I still care for him, and would like to try and keep reminding him that there is a better path. I know it is his choice to walk it or not, and do not let myself worry, or get frustrated about his choices - they no longer affect me. So, for the past few months we've been talking every few days, and I've seen him about 5 times.

Quite out of the blue, his sponsor called me. A little background, ex-ABF goes to AA meetings about 1x or 2x a month, and I guess now he is showing up smelling of alcohol. He is not serious about recovery. I introduced him to his sponsor, who is a long time family friend and currently sober for 5 years, and doing very well.

So, Sponsor pointed out to me that ex-ABF is lying - that I knew, and that ex-ABF is in worse shape than he is letting on. Sponsor said to me that for himself to go into recovery, he had to lose "everything good in his life" - more or less, he's suggesting that even a remote friendship is enabling ex-ABF, and that 1) as ex-ABF continues to deteriorate, at least I won't have a front row seat and 2) it might help him to hit bottom sooner or at even all.

Now, the bulk of my experience with this whole disease is al-anon, which does not suggest the same logic. So, I am confused. I have come to believe that nothing I do or do not do will have any bearing on ex-ABFs choices. So, assuming I am willing to handle the pain of his deterioration or even death, will it really do ex-ABF that much good to remove myself from his life totally? What is the most loving thing to do?

Any perspective is appreciated. Thank you ~