I know what you mean--I've been going to Alanon as my work schedule has allowed for a few years now and it's been a sloooooow process for me to understand, too. At times I get impatient w/sitting in a circle of people saying one after the other "I'm grateful for the Program b/c my life is so much better now", too. I find it much more helpful when the speaker talks about
what changed and
how it changed.
You've been to 2 meetings; were they 2 different meetings or the same meeting on 2 different weeks? Different meetings can have very different flavors to them. The rule of thumb I've heard is to give it 6 meetings before you decide, and try several
different meetings if at all possible.
I'm lucky enough to have quite a few meetings in my area, some of which I think are wonderful and some of which feel a bit "clique-y" or just plain not useful. I'd encourage you to try a variety of meetings, even if it means a time that's not quite as convenient or a drive that's a little longer.
I know I only wanted to go at the time that was most convenient and the location that was closest. The meeting I finally began to attend regularly is NOT the closest or the "best" time, but for me, it was the "best" meeting--and hey, my recovery is important and deserves to be given the time and commitment it needs, right?
I'd also like to reiterate what Lexie said about reading the literature. That really helped clarify things for me. And sometimes you'll find meetings that are "book study" meetings where a book such as "How Alanon Works" or "Paths to Recovery" is worked thru systematically; maybe that more structured kind of setting would be more useful to you.
I agree that the books are pricey when new. Your local library may carry some Alanon materials; if not, your library may be part of a network where materials from other locations can be brought in for you at no cost. Amazon is a great source of inexpensive Alanon materials and is where I bought all of mine. Here is a hardcover copy of "How Alanon Works" that costs a penny; shipping is 3.99 and total is $4.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listi...=used&qid=&sr= This is common, at least in my experience.
If that amount is still prohibitive, some Alanon groups have a lending library that you could check items out of. Some groups maintain a library of literature that has been donated by members and which is there expressly to be given to new members who are in dire straits. You can contact your regional Alanon office and see if they have free literature available; sometimes there is a stock of donated materials designated for those in need.
You might find a good start on understanding Alanon simply by visiting the international web site, too--
http://www.al-anon.org/ .
And you know, Alanon isn't for everyone. If you give it a good shot and decide against it, well, that's the way it goes. But for me, altho I don't necessarily agree w/every single thing said, I do "take what I like and leave the rest." The "what I like" is enough to keep me coming back.
Kudos to you for exploring this option.