My first ultimatum.
And with it comes some peace!
I've told him I will stay with him, through illness and health as long as he is seeking help and taking advice, I'll stay through failure as long as seeks answers why it happened and acts to change. If he refuses help, if he denies, if he chooses to ignore advice I will not stay with him to watch him die.
I will be by his side while he acts to recover but will take a break whenever I need - not depending on his needs, while he acts to recover though - I will always come back.
I'm going skating tonight then maybe to see my friend, I went to the docs got signed off from work and prescribed low dose anti depressants. They've also offered me counselling and I've accepted. I'm going to keep in good touch with APAS and if I need to spend a few nights at my friends I will - even if he is sober/trying/doing everything right. It will be based on my needs as I see them.
D has said he will return as we agreed to APAS, as we agreed if he could not keep his ration then the answer is stop and he's said that's what he wants now. I've only asked that he seeks and listens to advice on how - because that's my boundary now. Somebody ill trying to get well my heart and head can deal with, someone intent on staying ill I no longer want to try and live with.
It's rare for me to ever speak like this - I have to search through myself first. The most important thing I strive for is to make my words, heart and actions one thing. I value my own word probably as much if not more than my life.
I'm also going to ask my oldest friend (23yrs) to speak with D - to tell him what she knows about me and how much weight there is in me saying this. In 23 yrs she has never known me threaten friendship, she's never known me use words like this for anything, and lord knows we have argued in 23 yrs!!
It's not to make him do a damn thing - it's to tell him plainly where my boundary is.