Originally Posted by
wombat57 
YET he forgets, that during those 3 weeks apart, first week was bad for him. Night sweats, not being able to sleep (I remember it now). Shaking. That was an addiction?! And with alcohol once there is an addiction it is always there? I am still upset about it. I think he IS an alcoholic. There is no past tense for alcoholic. You can't say "I had a drinking problem, or I was an alcoholic". Once it was there, it always will be there? Is a glass of wine EVER ok? Or is it a road back to hell? Slow but sure? Or can an alcoholic have a glass of wine and keep to that? PS: I am completely drink free. Even before I got pregnant. Do I occasionally want a glass of wine? As hell I do. But I never have one. Am I right to be upset?
It's a great first step that you made coming on this forum. I would suggest reading posts, sticky notes, there is a wealth of info from actual people going through what your husband is going through. And what you are going through.
Through educating yourself on alcoholism, you can become better aware. The main difference between an alcoholic and a non-alcoholic is their mind set about alcohol. Someone like yourself can enjoy a can of cider and if that can was your last can in the fridge you wouldn't dwell on about it, you most likely will not start allowing the thought of having another one haunt your mind. You may say "hey, I'd be nice to have another one but I'm not going to go and drive out of my way when I'm comfortable at home in my pj's to the liquor store to grab more". An alcoholic will have the opposite train of thought in the same scenario. They will most likely dwell on the fact that it would be so amazing to keep drinking and have another can of cider, they will have an obsessive-compulsion which will eventually get them to change out of their pj's at home and drive to the liquor store to buy more booze. That is why it's very dangerous for an alcoholic who has been sober for months or even years to try to drink in moderation again. An alcoholics mind will not allow them to drink in moderation. A problem drinker may be me in my early 20's. I'd drink lots at parties, get way too drunk at the clubs and probably make-out with guys I couldn't tell you what their names were, puke, pass out and say "I'm never drinking again" only to do it again next Friday night. I eventually grew up from my wild, partying days. I never obsessed, or needed a drink. I drank because that's what my friends did and the lifestyle I wanted to have when I was young and immature.
As for the part for you to be upset, you can't help your emotions but you also need to start understanding the mind frame he is in. You are only causing stress for yourself, your unborn child who's cortisone level you are raising, wasted energy when you should be focusing on yourself and your unborn child. Ultimatums, scolding him, arguing, fighting does not solve anything. Trying to fix him will be like you trying to jam a square peg into a round hole constantly, with each consecutive attempt without success you just become more mad and frustrated and the longer you keep on trying you will literally make yourself insane. Insanity is the act of doing something over and over expecting a different outcome. An alcoholic must really want to change (not for you, not for your unborn child) for himself. Who knows when that time will come but you need to start thinking whether raising your child in a household with an alcoholic father is the best option.