That year isn't gone. The worst that happens is that you don't get to count it towards your current clean time each day.
I found a lot of peers at meetings. We share a common pathology, but more importantly, we share recovery.
Don't beat yourself up. You will anyhow, so I suggest a softer bat when you do it. What is important is what you are going to do today. It wasn't necessary, but you have provided yourself with additional evidence that using just doesn't work well for you.
You can be OK. There is help.