Kailey we could be twins. I was the same way--I went to bed with the firm resolve to not drink, but when I woke up I felt so awful physically (forget how awful I felt emotionally) that I had to drink to feel better. I spent most mornings taking my first shot of vodka over the toilet praying to God that I could keep it down so I could brush my teeth and go to work. I always had plans of taking my dogs for walks and gardening-two things I love to do, but most days my plans would never materialize and I'd spend the next few days beating myself up and feeling guilty and disappointed that I never did what I said I was going to do.
I finally reached he point where I could no longer live with or without alcohol. I was scared. Physically, I was ill--my body was rejecting the alcohol but I physically needed it or I was going to be very sick. I had to go to a hospital to detox safely but even when I got out, I drank. I was hopeless.
I actually called the AA hotline. I met a woman who took me through the Big Book and 15 months later, I am recovered. I still do step work, I fall short everyday, I help others when I can and I try to live one day at a time. Sometimes it is only 1 minute at a time, but for that minute, I don't have to drink.
AA hotline number is 877-331-3394 Don't worry-they won't show up at your door and drag you anywhere (unless you ask them to)
link for online AA meetings any time of day --
Online Intergroup : Alcoholics Anonymous
What city and state are you in?
Keep fighting <3