pandblvr

.....and it brought me to tears also.

I too overcame an opiate addiction. I come from a wealthy family, I went to college and had great grades, I had friends and was athletic, I had a great life but I got sucked in to my addiction and alcoholism. I became homeless and a prostitute in Baltimore city. I was an IV cocaine and heroin abuser. I was on methadone for ten years. I made it out alive-with no diseases or permanent health issues.

I still thought I could drink alcohol. As long as I wasn't sticking a needle in my neck, I was okay. Every now and then I think my alcoholism was worse than my drug addiction--I don't know which was worse, but they were both hell. I do know that I felt as hopeless, alone and lost on alcohol as I did coming down off of cocaine and withdrawing from heroine in city jail. I now know my worse bottom was the point when I realized I could no longer live with or without alcohol and I was literally empty inside. I looked in the mirror and scared the crap out of myself. Alcohol had kicked my butt--I was defeated. How could a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who had crawled out of the dirty depths of junkie hell in Baltimore city be beaten down by alcohol? Alcohol was my courage, my spirit, my past, my future--everything I did revolved around it, from driving, to shopping, to working, gardening, meeting people, eating......It was fun in the beginning. But not in the end.

I asked God, whom I thought hated me, abandoned me, was disgusted by me, for help. I don't know where I got that idea--I had prayed before and I was convinced nothing happened. I prayed that I could fall asleep and then when I woke up if he would just help me stop drinking. I woke up and I went to a meeting. I met a lady, who came into the meeting late, was not previously planning on going to that meeting, but she said she felt propelled to go. And she just introduced herself and said she would read the Big Book of AA with me and would help me understand it if I wanted. That was 15 months ago and I am recovered.

I'm working the steps, I fall short everyday, I'm not perfect, but I keep asking for guidance and asking to show me who needs my help. I'm not sure who I'm asking, but I'm asking someone or something and the path is continually lit for me.

It is possible to be happy and sober. You've done it before with opiates. It's inside you, you just have to uncover it again.

Good luck and keep fighting <3