Hello and welcome.
I really hope I don't come off as lecturing or anything like that-I'm just passionate about being recovered, and it is possible to be recover-ed.
First-stop beating yourself up because you view yourself as weak. And you also said "your wife is a trigger but you can't use that as an excuse because you are the one who controls whether you drink or not." You do not control whether you drink or not--I tried for years to figure out WHY i drank and WHY i chose to drink, knowing the landslide it would result in. WE DO NOT CHOSE TO DRINK. We drink because we are alcoholic and we are different from our fellows. We however cannot use that as an excuse to chose to NOT drink. I know it sounds confusing.
Triggers are a word used by rehabs and inpatient places-places designed originally to help addicts and alcoholics but, remember the AA program was around before going to rehab was the flavor of the month. I have been to countless rehabs and I believe, in my experience, they helped build a foundation for my recovery. I was a sponge in the first few, soaking up info, knowledge and advice. If you have never been to one, it might be a good idea, to give you a foundation. I would go to a rehab though, not just a detox.
Remember-Xanax is highly addictive and probably should be avoided at all costs. There are many anti-anxiety drugs out there that can be prescribed that are not physically addicting. If you are worried about withdraw symptoms, which is sounds like you are lucky to not have, wherever you go to to rehab will give you something.
This is not medical advice and this is my own experience.
Good luck and remember-it IS possible to live joyous and free-I promise!!