Hi there,
I think you're taking the right steps in reaching out and asking for help. The excessive drinking is likely only a symptom of your real problem. This is my own personal opinion and I don't really know your whole mental health state, but I do believe detoxing on your own is possible if you have the willpower and motivation to do it. I think a big thing you need to work on is not letting your emotions drive you to do things such as drinking after an argument with your wife. You may potentially benefit from some sort of counseling, it could be very helpful for you--but that is for you to decide. If going to those AA meetings proved to be helpful for you, keep going back as much as you need to. I can bet that a lot of people in those rooms have had similar experiences that you have had and they can be of a lot of support.
I have personally taken xanax, and it can help a lot with anxiety. I have never heard of it being used to help alcohol cravings. But I just want to offer a fair warning...be careful with xanax. For some it can be habit forming and highly addictive. Take it only as needed.