My trich began at age 15, lots of anxiety. I was called "baldy" at school. As my drinking episodes increased, so did the trich. Lots of inventive ways to style my hair to cover the bald spot. Since I stopped drinking, over two years ago, I was happily surprised that I stopped pulling out my hair. So from age 15 to 55 I tried over and over to stop. If I get stressed now I may find my hand reaching for my "favourite" area, and I may tug, but don't pull out, I quickly reach for a squeezy stress ball, it helps.
I really empathize that your trich is no better in sobriety, that's really disappointing for you. And people can be cruel, for sure.