"I wish I could just leave now...what's stopping me???"
Living with an active alcoholic who is verbal & emotionally abusive
will, over time, destroy your self-confidence. You may no longer
believe you can take care of yourself, that is part of codependency.
But you can take care of yourself, and be happy, and feel good about
yourself again.
There is a wealth of information on SR so you can educate yourself about
addiction & codependency. This is critical for your health & recovery.
Then, you have allllllllllll these folks to share their wisdom & experience! I have learned so much, it's incredible to me how much I didn't know. Not knowing really hurt me.
You can do it! You sound very kind & sweet. Please find a human being
to bestow that gift upon- one who deserves it!