Calm vs. Drama
So, as I reflect on being sober 4 months today, I realize how calm and drama-less life can be. It's new for me. Growing up in my household was despairingly lonely, or riddled with my mom as a raging freak, or escaping to the garage to hang out with my dad, who was escaping my mom, or playing on my own, or getting bullied by the local kids in our neighborhood, or having fun with my sister, or being tormented by my sister (because my mom was a complete freak, and she still is today - so my sister was always stuck caring for me/us).
I've recently downsized my life by one dry drunk husband of 21+ years, one big fancy house I didn't want or need, and having to share my daughter (who thinks I've been lobotomized since the divorce so she hangs with her "daddy" most of the time - teenagers are fun stuff...whew!) and moved into a cute little home with low drama. Me and my cat most of the time. I recently started a little side business doing gardening and lawn care for other people, and I like it. I am a professional writer, but I am not keen on going back to the insane corporate American grind at this moment in my life.
I've immersed myself entirely into AA, my meetings, the Big Book, and my sponsor and I meet every week. I am on Step 3, "made a decision (not a wish, or a hope, a decision...yeah, important language of action there) to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. I think I am still in the middle of Step 3, but gradually moving toward the end. It's not easy for this retired Catholic, recovering control freak, recovering "always being controlled by others" freak, and drunkard to say, "Hey, I don't have to rent space in my head for this problem. Give it to God. Enlist the help of a powerful ally...God."
That's all for now. GG1231