Hi Stewey. At only 18 days in , I'm not one to be giving advice, but after 4 years of starting and stopping attempts to get sober, I can tell you that you don't want to go back. What you're feeling now will only be worse if you fall back in the pit. 18 months--what an accomplishment.
What I am trying different this time around, other than being on SR, is going to meetings. I have just started, only 2 meetings in, but I knew I needed something more and different this time around. The difference between being a "dry drunk" and really turning my life around. If AA is not for you, I know there are other meeting options. You sound a bit isolated, and even for someone like me who is a natural introvert, the loneliness was getting too much to bear. Alcoholism is a lonely, isolating disease, but I can already see that sobriety can also be isolating if you don't build a network of people who really understand.
My other thought--what about an exercise program that is somewhat social in nature? A running group with options for all abilities--even beginners. With a specific goal like running a 5k after x amount of preparation. Or a yoga class, or working with a trainer at a gym on a specific goal?
I would also say you sound depressed, but sounds like the different meds not workIng for you. So maybe try another doctor is that's an option, or trying talk therapy instead of meds for a while?
Anyway, "do what I Say, not what I do." I need to take my own advice LOL. One of the problems with depression is that we know what we need to do, but it's so damn hard to get started. You remember that mindless thing alcoholics do where you take that first drink without allowing yourself to think about it? Maybe we need to take that tunnel vision approach with our recovery and after we decide what we need to do, we just dive in and do it without time to talk ourselves out of it. Because after you just get started, there's all sort of intrinsic motivation to keep you moving forward.
Wishing you the best, hang in there and don't take that drink. You are worth more than that.