Lost in sobriety
Lost, fed up, tired, lonely, isolated, worn down, frustrated, upset. Over 18 months sober and a lot of these feelings are things I'm experiencing a lot of late.
I feel so tired every day when I get up. I've been back and forth to the gp for the last 18 months swapping anti depressants, just had a recent issue with my back passage that I'm sure was brought on by eating huge amounts of junk food, can't seem to get through the days now feel like I need something to move me forward other than what I'm doing for myself.
I feel sad and lonely too, others my age can drink beer, take drugs with no obvious I'll effects. Others can eat a balanced diet inclusive of junk food from time to time with no obvious ill effects. Why does it feel like I need to deprive myself of the above in order for me to be normal?
Normal sucks for me, I'm struggling guys to maintain myself, lacking in energy and enthusiasm. Living in worry, dreading social events, falling out with my girlfriend she says I never go out with her. I'm scared to be honest, I don't feel good in myself and afraid I'll mess up.
On the eve of my birthday today why don't I have a beer? A slice of cake and some crisps? And say what the hell. At the moment I just want to escape I'm pretty lost