hopepraylove

Hi all,

I don't frequent the forums much anymore, it's been 9 months since I broke up with my ex. For anyone who isn't familiar with my story, I stayed with him while he struggled to stay sober off of heroin/opiates. He chronically relapsed every three months. I finally left after he stole pain pills from my parent's home (and 1 million other reasons.) It took me a long while to get here, but I am very happy. Life has settled down, I have no drama, no chaos, very little anxiety or worry. I'm happy, I finally feel like I deserve to be happy. For anyone who is hesitant about "no contact," when I FINALLY went NC, my life immediately went better. Cutting the cord was the healthiest thing I could do for myself, it was incredibly difficult and painful, but in hindsight, the best decision I've made in a very long time.

In other news, I received an email from my ex this weekend re "amends." The email "didn't feel right." He said something along the lines of "I know in my heart you want an apology," he then used some phrasing that almost insinuated he would "relapse again if he couldn't do this right." I've had him blocked on all my social media, cellphones, home phone, friends social medias, etc. The only thing I didn't have him blocked on was my ***** account.

In all honesty, I do not know if I want to hear the amends. The damage and pain he caused can not be undone, nor fixed. I don't harbor hate or animosity, but I have moved on. Allowing him to "make amends" feels like opening the door again. When I spoke with my sponsor about it, he said "the best amends he could make, would be to leave you alone." My friends in program agree. However, there is a small part of me that thinks perhaps it could bring a certain element of closure, for him, and for me?

Has anyone ever denied another person the opportunity to make amends? Is it cruel or unkind to deny him the opportunity?