AdelineRose

Right there are some key things,


First; "You feel terrible taking time off work" This is want I was referring to when I said no excuses allowed. Be honest with yourself, you aren't not going to a detox center because you are worried about taking time off work...you are not going to a detox center because you want to continue drinking instead,

Second: "Attempt to live a normal life": Again be honest with yourself, you aren't trying to just live a normal life, you are trying to live a lie. You keep telling yourself that if others can drink and have a normal life then so can you. Unfortunately that is not how it works, some people can drink and stop and some cannot. You can't change it, once you are in the category of not being able to stop it never goes backwards, you just progressively get worse. Living a normal life would not having alcohol consume your entire life, you are not living a normal life no matter how hard you try to convince yourself.

Also I saw you said above that you have tried smoking weed. That is just substituting it is like an alcoholic stopping drinking but starting to do heroin instead because hey i'm not drinking so i'm "sober". It doesn't work like that.

Have you considered therapy at least to help sort all these thoughts out? Even if you don't have insurance there are places that you can pay on a sliding scale, there are resources where you can find free counseling just like free detox and free rehab. There are ALWAYS options out there, we just have to reach out and look for them, I always used to tell myself if I could be in any random state in the US on vacation and if I ran out of heroin I was ALWAYS able to find someone to sell me some. Put the energy you put into drinking into your recovery, that is one thing I did. If I could ALWAYS find heroin, then why do I pretend to be so helpless when it came to finding the resources I needed for recovery. It is a mind set change but it makes everything make a lot more sense in the end