That must have been so painful to go through, Wisconsin.
You are completely right - this type of dysfunction IS everywhere in a LOT of insidious ways.
Sometimes - and this may not be a popular opinion, but stay with me here - SOMETIMES I think it would be great if everyone could just see their labels more clearly & embrace them as a map toward change instead of a word that makes them "less-than" because of how they define it.
People balk at the word alcoholic but to me it is just the first step toward fixing stuff when you start calling things by the right label. Numbing with alcohol, food, gambling, work, codependency - it's all the same in the end because it means we're numbing our emotions.
I am reading The Joy Book & he talks about emotions being E-motions - that they are energy in motion & it's when they become stuck that we start to experience these breakdowns & addictions as a result. That makes sense for me - when I feel anger & I work through it (action/energy), I am able to release it. When I stop allowing it to have motion & work it's way out, it becomes stuck & negative results occur instead. It's a fascinatingly simple book.
Originally Posted by Forourgirls
......maybe someday the others will wake up
I think they are, slowly. I heard neighbor lady have her AHA moment - she actually took the time to come to the office & talk respectfully with me F2F. She said, "Do you mean to tell me that this can go on for YEARS like this? I was under the impression that he was dying....like tomorrow!" Her expression was half horrified/half anger at being duped like that.
She had almost cancelled a much-anticipated vacation just to make sure he had "someone" around. Pffffft! Not on MY watch, Lady! I relieved her of copies of his house keys, etc & sent her home to pack!
whole circling if enablers thinking they are being compassionate while others are viewed as letting this man rot away with no concern
Yep - at one point I got kind of nasty with his caregiver when her attitude was getting really crappy with me. I said, "then you tell ME. Where are all these people he's had in his life? Where are his siblings, children, exes & hello? how about his CURRENT wife? Do you REALLY think allllllllll of those people are without compassion or do you think he Burned Those Bridges To The Ground over many years & now has to PAY people to care for him?" Drop mic. Dead silence.