Hey guys it's nice to hear from you all. I didn't mean to complain that i'm not getting the help i need. I just meant this seems like a small forum that's only getting smaller, which suprises me with how serious of a problem substance abuse is.
Anyway I was almost a month clean and i took a few pills all because my elbows have chronic pain and get in the way and i hate missing workouts. The pills make it disappear completely... It sucks because everything is just better when i take opiates, i think clearly, work efficiently, have amazing workouts, stick to my diet, enjoy everything, and just generally enthusiastic. It's so hard to give up something that just seems to make me better at everything(i know it's just fooling me into trouble). I'm getting help in therapy and trying to figure out a major for school. I'm not doing terrible, but my sobriety has been shaky. My diet has been amazing, i've been productive, i get to sleep around the same time everynight, i'm runnig 5~ miles a day and lifting weights 2-4x a week, plus training in mixed martial arts. I've even got some good sober friends that care about me and met a girl, but i still find a way to get bored and cave in to drugs. I don't understand what else i can add to my plan. I've been doing the urge surfing Dee recommended and i try to relax and meditate, read a lot, etc. it helps, but still can't seem to be 100%, it's pretty frustrating.