I´ve noticed in a way it´s tempting to believe them when they make you feel like you´ve done something wrong, because then at least there is something you can do about it. Not so when you accept that the insanity is theirs. It takes a lot of effort to really accept that there is nothing you can do to make things work out with the one you´re in a relationship with, simply because the A is the one who is causing all the chaos, not you.
At the momento I´ve almost been a month NC with the XABf and I see more and more clearly how insane, irrational and unfair his behaviour towards me was. It was a bit harder to see it when I was (physically and emotionally) close to him, I got caught up in the merry go round of his addictive thinking.