So last time I posted I was in total denial about a guy I had met and was not happy with the replies I got here.
Of course you were all right. Deep down I knew you were right (anvilhead in particular has ALWAYS been right!!) but I was not prepared to see the truth.
Indeed the collective wisdom of this forum proves to be correct over and over again.
I needed three rounds of idealization-devalue-discard to understand I was again taking a role on a vicious cycle, this time with a narcissist-alcoholic in denial.
This was the second toxic man I find attractive in my life.
I have been following the work of Ross Rosenberg, he changed the name "codependency" to "self love deficit disorder". He also has a YouTube channel.
Self-Love Deficit Disorder: An Interview with Ross Rosenberg, M.ED., LCPC, CADC, CSAT » everythingEHR
I will probably be documenting here my mourning process and sharing my story... on one hand I feel bad for falling in this hell again, on the other, at least it did not take me that long to see the truth beneath it all, I took action, I am throwing myself into cognitive therapy and keep being able to do healthy things for myself like going to the gym... the first time, I was unable to function for months...
Healing from my double depression is my only priority now, healing from the low self worth I have carried for 34 years... I feel it is never late to re-estructure oneself.
Thank you SR, for being a source of sanity and health regardless of how many times one has to fall in order to learn.
I feel grateful that at least I know I can change. Even with all the pain changing entails, at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Some people never even see that light.
