I visited my doctor a couple of weeks ago due to extreme exhaustion so she ran a full series of blood tests to see if it was anything medical. Everything was fine. She asked if I wanted anti-depressants and I said I didn't think they would help as my low mood is situational and she totally agreed. She's about the 4th doctor over the last few years who has thought tablets aren't the answer. But last night my oh was saying how much he thought I should be on them because I don't do this and that & I'm like this & that. I sense not in a supportive way but to make him feel better & so he can believe it's me with the problem. The thing is when I'm with my family & friends I'm absolutely fine...happy, chatty, me! So I know tablets aren't the answer.
I figure when I have my plan sorted I will be ready for when he doesn't stop drinking this week. I have no faith in his words. It's always been 'I will stop drinking if you come home' 'I will stop drinking if you support me' and half of his excuses for not stopping or starting again are due to me. He always puts the onus on me. It's his responsibility not mine. Even his latest thing I have to do something first for him to do anything. In my mind that proves he doesn't want to stop as if he was determined he'd do it anyway regardless of me doing something first.
Sorry just wanted to get that off my chest. Just full of resentment at the moment.
I've been asked here what do I want? I want kids, I want marriage but I'd rather be unmarried & childless because I'm single, than childless & unmarried because my oh chooses drink.
Rant over
