Troubledsister, your parents are going to believe whatever they're going to believe. People just do that. You see that in the political arena, why should the personal be any different?
I'm still reeling over the fact that just a couple months after my sister pretty much abandoned my dad and mom to their own devices because she couldn't cope with my mom's illness, my dad told her she could move back into the house (In a couple months, she won't have a place to stay.)
My husband feels like AB ruined the ceremony for him. I know this is addict behavior but we are struggling as a couple now for feeling bullied into inviting him a second time when he first claimed not to receive his invitation in the mail (clearly a lie.)
Your husband can take comfort in the fact that your AB's behavior has justified his decision to no longer engage with him. I'm sure you weren't the only ones who noticed how much an A%# your brother was. It sounds like your husband and you are now at your breaking point, and now you can back each other up as a team when your AB goes crazy. The past is the past and you can't fix it, but it can create a strong resolution for the present and future.
There is a way to continue a relationship with your parents even if they maintain a relationship with AB, but it's very tricky. My aunt and uncle continue to live with their sociopathic son. My aunt locks her door at night when she goes to sleep because she's afraid he's going to kill her. He's also been arrested for trying to grow weed in their backyard. However, the rest of their children made it VERY clear that they were no longer going to associate with him. They understood why his parents wanted to continue to support him, but they were not going to back that decision. He was banned from their weddings, family trips, and funerals (although he crashed one, and he was **** pot drunk when he did it). Nobody walks into that house anymore - and he doesn't make it easy because according to my parents he's pitched a tent in the middle of their living room.
Nothing's ever easy, isn't it? I wish I could give you solid answers, but all I can offer is this.