Originally Posted by
Steely 
It's the clarity of realising how many bullets I've dodged and how many dangerous situations I've found myself. Very scary and sobering.
Like Bekky it is the overwhelming emotions and memories that I am finding hard. Keep telling myself that this is a necessary and healthy part of recovery. Sounds right.
Hope you find a way of working through this Steely. For me it was working a 12-step program that got me through, along with the support of other alcoholics in recovery (on here and in AA). I work on my program daily (doesn't take long, and the rewards make every minute worthwhile ) as I'm determined to not go back to that place where I'd eventually got your the stage that I didn't want to be alive any more.