I fired my sponsor today
I feel really bad, guilty and shameful.
I'm sad because I really DID love her and I DO love her but I no longer want what she has and some of her tactics were really scaring me. She told me I hurt her deeply. I feel badly about that. But I tried to stay and make things work. She wouldn't change any of her tactics. She wouldn't NOT call me names like "ingrate" and "loser." She was unyielding that her way...big book step study...was the only way to do this program. That IS what worked for her but it is NOT working for me. She has the right to sponsor according to her beliefs but I also have the right to say no, this is not working for me.
She loves me and wishes me the best. And I love her and wish her well too.
For 8 months she's been by my side. And now I am alone and really scared. I'm a wreck. Sobbing at my desk, coworkers asking me what's wrong etc. I asked my boss if I could leave at noon. I'm meeting a woman I know who has 30 years sobriety for a cup of coffee tonight.
I need hugs and love. I am really broken and scared right now.