Hi Wolverine. I remember you. I am sorry you are having such a tough time. In my experience, an addict must stay away from ALL mood altering substances, even legal ones. Have you been going to meetings? If so, you might want to talk about what has been going on there. If not, maybe you should give it a try. At least you recognize what is going on now. Sounds like you haven't got in so deep that you can't get out.
Glad you posted! Hang in there.
Hugs--