confused.....it sounds like you both have tons of work to do. It also sounds like the wheels have really come off the marriage wagon....and it is over in the ditch.....and, trust levels are approaching zero....
LOL...when one is "finished" with a marriage---best to finish the paper work, first....
Are you in any kind of therapy, support group, etc. for yourself?
Have you ever co nsidered a legal separation .....to give yourself space and time for some clarity?
You can't control her and her quest for sobriety (or not)....I am sure that you must be getting that messag, by now.....
She is going to do what she is going to do. The question, as always, is---what are you going to do.....since yourself is all that you have control over......
dandyion