Hi Jillian
I'm at the point now where I think having a few (or more) beers is okay
re-read some of your old threads maybe? It will give you an excellent picture of where drinking really takes you.
It also sounds to me like you've fallen back on the staple of every heavy drinker - that it's those last drinks that do the damage...that's not true.
If you're like me, it's the first drink that starts the madness.
You may be able to halt the madness after a few for a while, but it's not a viable long term strategy.
And it's crazy to think I was feeling horrible today, with anxiety and like I was sick, until I drank a few beers. Now i feel fine.
The very fact that you feel anxious and sick until you drink is proof your addiction is progressing.
D