IvanMike

For a long time I wanted to know how I could get "instant recovery". Surely there was a pill I could take? I had no patience. I was used to instant gratification.

I went to NA every day. Every day I didn't use. I told myself "just for today I won't use no matter what happens". Then I began to tell myself "just for today I won't use no matter how I feel". I got a sponsor who had been around a long time. I talked with other NA members who had stayed clean for a good while and who seemed like they had this elusive "recovery". They were ok with themselves and with life. I began to work the steps with the guidance of my sponsor.

I kept showing up every day. I stayed clean one day at a time. I felt terrible and like I was going through the motions. Sometimes I felt kind of ok. My emotions were all over the place. Life continued to go on, not all of it nice. I made mistakes but stayed clean and told my sponsor what I was up to. I took guidance and direction.

Over time I realized that something was happening. I looked back and realized that I didn't feel like I did when I came in. I didn't want to kill myself any more. There were days when I didn't think about drugs at all. I had started to develop a nascent trust that I would be ok no matter what happened and that I could get better.

When I first started going to NA I leaned upon the evidence manifest in the lives of other people. Something had worked for them. Over time i began to realize that the process of recovery was producing evidence in my own life. "We do recover" became more than a slogan.

This
I
Must
Earn

Hang in there.