I am leaving for 10 days...
and my husband will be home alone.
The things I fear are that he will FAIL to deposit his paycheck into my checking account for 2 weeks. Or at least the part of it that I require to maintain our bills. And that he will burn the house down while cooking a frozen pizza while drunk/passed out on the couch. And that he will get another DUI.
So...I am going to be over 6 hours away on a family holiday with my parents and siblings and cousins all of that crowd to a huge beach house right on the ocean. This is a once in a life time event.
I am not cancelling this trip. My husband can not come as he has to work.
So, can I control the fact that he NEEDS to deposit his money? No. Can I make it clear that if he does not we can't pay our mortage? Yes. Can I do anything else to help this worry? No.
So, can I control the fact that he might cook a frozen pizza while drunk? No. Can I count on the fact that one or more of our animals might bark enough to alert a neighbor if the house was on fire? Maybe. Can I NOT put any frozen food in the fridge and hope he gets take out? Yes.
So, can I control that he might drink and drive? No. Can I think that he has no reason to go anywhere, as without us at home, he is free to drink here? Yes. Can I control this? No.
My husband is working VERY hard and getting rewarded well at work. He is with the children nearly all mornings, totally sober. He is giving me the allotted amount of money that I need every week and doing it willingly.
He is still drinking.
So, I am scared of going away for so long. This trip was suppose to be for 2 weeks, and I have shortened to 10 days since I know that 2 weeks is just too long for my children to be away from Daddy.
I soooo want to go the beach and see my cousins and hang out and read books and eat fresh clams and play cards and do jigsaw puzzles and just RELAX. And not worry about the things that I can't control.
When I am here, at home, I can see how each day will end and how each new day will begin.
It is going to be hard to be away for so long and not be able to see that.
Send good wishes and sunny beaches and "be as responsible as possible" vibes to my family. We are doing well. I don't want this vacation to screw it all up.
Jenny