I understand you. Although my mother has presumably stopped drinking, we still don't have a relationship. Cards are exchanged on birthdays, Christmas, etc., but talking on the phone appears to be just too much for both of us.
It helps me not to frame myself as a bad daughter for not calling. We have been down that road, and it was nothing but painful. Life is too short for that. For now, I try to accept her for exactly who she is, not who I wish she was, and act accordingly to take care of myself.