(((Bunny211))) I really, really love your tagline and have copied it into my journal.
Many years ago, I was sober for 6 wonderful years. Then a few things changed in my life, my life became unmanageable and I relapsed hard. It turns out that I was okay only when life was okay but when some curveballs came my way I had no coping skills to deal. I felt like I had sobriety locked down and had stopped seeking personal growth and responsibility for myself. I was the epitome of the relapse happening long before the drink gets picked up.
When I say I fell hard, I fell for the next 22 years. I married my alcoholic husband, who is still actively drinking, and just drank 22 years of my life away. 22 years. That is long enough to grow a whole new person through to adulthood.
I was visiting my best friend recently, in another province, and she brought out all of the cards and letters I have sent her over the years. She kept everything. As we browsed down memory lane, one of the letters I opened up to read happened to be the one I wrote to her to tell her about my relapse. Wow doesn't cover it. The one line in that letter that struck me the most; after I had explained all the details of my relapse I said this,
“I am not going to quit for now, it is just too hard.”
I will not forget that line now as I just don’t have time for another relapse. I don’t want to ever forget how hard it was to get sober.
You are aware and you are asking for help, please don’t stop reaching out. You can do this. I have read some of your posts and you are a kind and insightful person. I hope you can turn that towards yourself.
