After 9 months sober back in 2013 I thought I could just have a few drinks. it was while I was on a fishing trip with my son and some family friends. Started off ok the first day, but by the second, I was back to slamming a box of wine a day.
This time, it was different though. After a few weeks, I seemed to give up on trying to get sober. That's when I started drinking earlier and earlier in the day. Somehow I was convincing my self that starting to drink around 9 in the morning and also at work was completely justifiable.
I was completely overweight, had been diagnosed with Fatty Liver, had recently lost my very well paying job, and was now convincing myself to drink 24/7. Back then I was just lurking on SR; that's how I got sober for the 9 months initially. I spent the better part of a year this way.
For some reason, in July 2014 I woke up and knew I was an alcoholic. Not sure how I convinced myself to push the warning signs under the rug for so long; Fatty Liver, bloody stool, high cholesterol, dangerously high blood pressure, drunk driving, non-existent memory... I knew I was killing myself, I knew I was not living up to the father I needed to be for my wonderful kids, I knew I couldn't control this demon, no matter how hard I tried.
Bottom line is this disease is progressive. I found that out and knew I was at the end of my rope. Any more progress and alcohol would have beaten me down into nothingness. At that point, there was no grey area, only black and white... Get sober and live or keep drinking and die.
I chose to get sober. Now as I am approaching 22 months I know my life is exactly where I need it to be. It's never going to be perfect and I will never conquer this disease but for today, I am in control. My family is no longer suffering from my selfish decision to drink.
Bunny, you are doing fantastic. Don't loose control now. Play it forward in your mind of exactly where drinking will take you. For those of us with this problem, drinking is pure evil, dark and all controlling. Don't loose control, not now, not ever again.
Congrats on 10 months. Take a deep breath and remember why you will stay sober today.