Mike, I have been molested and abused. I have even been physically abused by a Mike in my life. However I find neither your name nor your posts triggering. But that I me only and I can see how your posts would be triggering for others. But I don't think that's even the real issue.
Let me qualify myself as an honest mindful abused addict long enough to address this thoughtfully.
Addicts are abusers.
It does not matter what our qualifier for abuse is the fact is we know how to work systems to keep our addictions in place. The easy answer to quit an addiction is to replace it with another. What you are doing to be recovered is up to you. But I do know that we are all liars. It's what brought us here. Keeps us here and or in our addictions for a long time. Your own truth is yours to behold.
One thing I've learned about myself is that I've used my charm and attractiveness to fuel ALL my addictions. I realized that healthy or not I could alter myself and my behavior to reward myself.
The really truly amazing thing to me is my capacity to have gone from abused to abuser. First and foremost of my own self. I recognize I went from being abused to figuring out there are so many capacities where I become the abuser because I recognize for myself that I am using my own body as a self gratification tool that falls outside society norms and outside of my own comfortable limits. This all boils down to ego and setting healthy boundaries for yourself, ourselves. Ego is such a huge driver in addictions.
This is a learning opportunity for you to be more self aware. You can use your attributes for good or I'll, what will benefit you in the future?
I know what I look like when I look in the mirror but I also am not lying to myself that sex can drive a lot of negative behaviors that are ultimately destructive. I want full recovery. I want to get by on my actions and integrity to let go of ALL addictions... which benefits more than just me.
I'm not just a pretty face and rocking bod with a strong sexual identity.
I want to be a person who feels good, gives good, does good, and is good every day. That is living. Our bodies are just a shell... our hearts and minds make our lives.
I think the answer is really simple for you... you need to work harder on your recovery. Coming from a place of caring and I get it, I'd say you have work to do my friend.
