Thank you all so much for the replies. I really can't begin to tell you how touched I am and how much it has helped me.
I am still sober. You are right that drinking will not help anything (except for maybe the first 10 minutes). I really want to hang in there long enough to truly learn a new way to live. And then live that way. Without alcohol.
I'm so grateful I have all of you to turn to. Thank you.