thomas11

I don't have anything particularly insightful to impart on anyone, but I want to remain engaged with this community so this is simply sharing.

My wife was kind of crabbing at me on Friday night saying I spend too much time in my man room. I explained to her that I absolutely have to keep my mind busy (something that we realized I have never told her before). I often am at my computer with a radio talk show streaming and the TV on in the background to a news channel...I know, real exciting. I am completely comfortable with it, and its far better than the alternative which used to be escaping with booze. I don't believe I am white knuckling it, but if I get bored and frustrated, the temptation will arise, so I stay mentally engaged with anything that keeps me thinking/listening.

This week I've decided to get going again which means I will be finalizing my resume and cover letter, making some phone calls, getting some interview clothes, and putting the last of my equipment up for sale. This will help me engage with the real world again. It is something I knew was coming and have waited until the time was right. And I think the time is right. I'm going with my gut on this one.

The upside of selling the last of my equipment and actively seeking employment is that my penny pinching fingers can start to loosen its grip on the little bit of funds we have. Therefore, I bought 2 TV's to complete the replacement of last 2 tube TV's I had which will be nice. I will now be able to see what is on the screen when I watch my 30 minutes of TV in the bedroom before I go to sleep. And on the treadmill and bike while I workout. I also picked out a Flat-Bar Road Bike to buy, and then I can take my biking outdoors instead of on a stationary bike. Will probably do the wise thing and buy one of those goofy looking helmets as well.

While working out yesterday I have found that in just 5 weeks my lungs can now outlast my knees. I'll take that as a good thing, but I did have to rest 2 days last week as my knees swelled, which was odd. It went back down though. I suspect it might have to do with the weather as we had a cold, rainy system come through and that is when they acted up. Maybe someone here can share if they have the same reactions to weather.

Lastly, and I hope this maybe helps someone. If you are new to this site and trying to get sober, I will say something that has been said a million times here, the solution is easy, doing it is hard, and its certainly worth it. I thought I enjoyed drinking. I really did. And there might still be some truth in that, but I enjoy living sober much more. I have stated from the start that I always enjoyed my sober time during the week, and I meant it, but I still fell victim to the trap of "relaxing" on the weekends. In hindsight there was very little relaxing at all. I think its a trick your mind plays on you. I did not feel well, I was constantly in the doghouse with my wife, I sheltered myself from doing things and even though I worked hard in the summer and exercised in the winter, my health was hanging on by thread. If you enjoy being sober, but think you enjoy drinking too, try going for 30-60 days with no alcohol and find an activity to replace the hours you spent drinking (and recovering). You might surprise yourself. I can only speak for myself, but I know at one point it dawned on me that I really like living normally. I don't feel deprived whatsoever. I can drink any time I want, I have nothing stopping me, but I simply don't have the desire anymore. Those phrases around here that mention getting sober for yourself and no one else, and the other one about wanting to be sober more than drunk....well, they are completely true. When those two items are at the core, and your driving force, I believe the success rate is quite high.